After escaping Black Friday with all limbs intact and without gun wounds, it’s hard to imagine getting back out there and storming the storefronts all over again.
But let’s face it. Very few people actually have the agility and combat-preparedness required to get everything they need for everyone on their shopping list. Besides, no one decides to head straight for the dreaded underwear section when the five dollar movie rack is clearing out faster than the speed of light in a vacuumed tunnel. And that’s fast.
Most sane people skip out on Black Friday anyway, deciding that sleep is more important than hundreds of dollars of savings. Well, let me ask you, all who avoid the fear of pepper spray and flailing fists, where is your sense of adventure? Does the thought of possibly being shanked at Target, while saving a couple bucks, not enthrall you?
For those rational folks, Cyber Monday is a great way to save lots while keeping a safe distance from the chaos of Wal-Mart (a.k.a. the mall of Rolla). This wondrous event took place the Monday after Black Friday, and I hope you all were able to take advantage. All you needed was Internet access and enough to pay the shipping fee for the low, low price of ten bucks.
To those who went Black Friday shopping and didn’t fulfill the wants of their gift-receivers, for those who didn’t feel like braving the seas of angry middle-aged women, and to those who missed out on Cyber Monday because you have a “life”, here are some tips.
As surprising and possibly repulsive you may find Wal-Mart, it has some pretty nifty gifts. Go for it. Even the toy isle will satisfy most adults. Justin Bieber action figure? Yes, please. There are also shops to peruse down Pine Street. Red Door Gifts is a great place to get something pretty for a lady friend. Gift cards to places like Family Video and the movie theater serve as great presents seeing as that’s all you can do in Rolla, it seems.
We all know that Christmas shopping isn’t very exciting sometimes, and isn’t exactly at the top of your to-do list next to making your bed and catching up with the angst of the latest episodes of Glee. However, I advise you not to procrastinate. Obviously the majority of you who read this aren’t procrastinators, but to the few of you who are, don’t do it. You’ll just end up dealing with the stress of finding what you want and spending minutes—yes, minutes—wrapping said present so that it looks like it was attacked by some rabid animal. That’s not quite as attractive as having your gift, as bad as that gift may be, neatly wrapped with a bow and a giant tag that reads “I LOVE YOU.”
Not to mention that by waiting until the last minute like so many other caring parents, the stock of the item you intended to purchase has a strong possibility of being depleted. Good one, bro. Now you’ll have to go get something mediocre, and everyone knows that Christmas presents are the only reliable gauge as to how much you love someone.
Do yourself a favor, then, and do your holiday shopping soon, like now. And have a lovely holiday.
