Guys have it pretty darn good. I don’t want to whine and complain about how terrible it is to be a girl, but I will say this: for guys, picking up chicks is simple, and pretty irritating.

Step 1: Research the corniest of pick-up lines on the Internet.

Step 2: Go anywhere at all. Grocery stores, the library, seriously, any location on any map.

Step 3: Go for it.

Step 4 (opt.): Get hit.

It’s true that men get denied. But think about this: when was the last time you heard a guy pull this? It happens fairly regularly. Now think about the last time a woman did the same exact thing. It’s not too often. That’s because for those of the male species, if you go for the grab, your friends are gonna say “Whoa. What a beast.” They’ll bow down at your feet. If a chick goes for it, she’s reprimanded for being way, way too promiscuous. Why is it that a man can “hook up” as much as he wants and he is the most awesome dude alive, while women are obviously unrestrained and morally hopeless? What’s the problem here, and how can we fix it?

To the men out there: This sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? Here’s the thing. The girls who are worth it won’t respond well. The girls who are worth it will punch you in the mouth for thinking about her “that way.” But the ones who are okay with your dumb lines and perviness, do you really think they’re the best thing for you? Really? Think about it. Maybe if you would be the gentleman they want and deserve, you’ll spare yourself a couple of teeth. Have a meaningful relationship rather than just a pick-up. It’ll be more worthwhile and better for your character now (and later). Knowing a lot of you, you will read this and think “Why would I want to stop hooking up?” Well, sir, to you I say I hope that lovely female to whom you give the elevator eyes punches you in the face. Lesson learned?

Now ladies: This is a two-way street. If some random dude comes up to you and gets grabby, don’t be afraid to do something about it! It won’t hurt you, and eventually the fella will learn his lesson. See? You’re helping him too. If you sit there and do nothing, it’ll keep happening over and over. You’re the one who can put an end to it. Because the guys who actually want a great relationship won’t start it with “Hey baby. How you doin’?” Plus, to be honest, I’ll bet there’s a ton of awesome guys out there who appreciate a girl who can fend for herself.

So here’s my point— Men should all grow up and stop picking up chicks— go for the actual thing. You’re twice as likely to get the girl, unless you live on the set of Sex and the City or any corny movie with a bar scene. Girls: You’ are better than this! By not allowing these shenanigans to occur, you’ll be more respected and get into a whole lot less trouble and drama.